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October 4th, 2006

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04:22 pm - People I Hate on Campus, Part 1: The Idyllic Couple
Yeah, I've seen you. Walking slowly, almost in the middle of the path, feeling it necessary to bridge the gap between yourselves by holding hands and staring into each other's eyes, occassionaly nuzzling and kissing maybe tossing in an ass grab every now and then.

I can never get around you, idyllic couple. You are too close to the edge of the path for me to walk on one side without walking in the grass but too close to the center for me to pass on the other side without running headlong into the other people who are trying to avoid vomiting as they stare at you. I mean, if you want to make out on campus find a damn bench, or a tree, or, for christ's sake, an abandoned stairwell. It's not that hard to walk to class at a normal speed with your tongue not jammed down someone else's throat. In fact, it's a lot easier to walk that way. You will avoid bushes and innocent bystanders that way. Also, I will not feel the insatiable urge to put on gloves and throw rocks at your head.

It's not that I have something against your naive romantacism. I think that sometimes it's kind of cute. (Note: sometimes, not often) But really, I hate campus. I don't want to spend any extra time there and I certainly don't want to be reminded that while I am trying to get through the hell I call class and avoiding the people I know and don't like on campus, there are happy people out there. It's just too much for me to handle.

Please idyllic couple, this is all I ask: save it for the dorms, the basements and the drunken parties, if you can. And if the strain proves to be too much for your young love, just take it off the path.

(3 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:October 12th, 2006 03:41 am (UTC)
haha, you know the way to my heart
People I Hate on Campus, Part 1: The Idyllic Couple - Chronicles of a College-Aged Llama on Speed

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